a charity supporting parents & carers of challenging children

HELPP Help Education and Learning for Parents by Parents accepts no liability for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided in this web-site. We are not medical professionals and we are not giving any medical or professional advice or service through the publication or distribution of articles or comments on this web-site. Individuals with suspected or diagnosed disorders or syndromes, or any conditions discussed on this web-site should consult with a qualified professional for advice concerning diagnosis and treatment. HELPP is a Registered Charity, No: 1139691. HELPP is a Private Limited Company, No: 7434496. Copyright 2014 KieronDSmith all rights reserved.  Revised: 29 October 2014  


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Tips for parents - Helping children to get on with one another

Notice when things are going well and comment on the behaviour you like.

You two are playing nicely together.” 

Show them ways of sorting things out, without shouting or hitting.

Ask them to work as a team. 

Suggest they plan how to share a toy. Say aloud what each child wants but avoid taking sides:

"So George, you want the pens to do your homework and Gary you want to finish your drawing. Hmmm, I wonder if you two smart boys could think of a way to sort this one out?” 

Avoid saying things that set children against each other:

“Your brother can always get in on time, why can’t you?” 

Instead try: “I know you must have a good reason for being late. Come and tell me about it.” 

Make your child feel special

“I am very proud of how you sort things out you’re your brother.” 

Always keep the tone of your voice calm when dealing with disagreements.

The tone of your voice can shame your child even when your words do not. 

Do not worry about treating all your children exactly alike.

Children need comfort, help, and encouragement at different times and in different ways, and each child is different. 

Using a generic, or across the board approach with your children will help some, and leave others feeling like they are not getting what they need, which once again puts them at odds with one another. 

Instead, treat your children as the individuals they are, and encourage them to explore their individuality.