a charity supporting parents & carers of challenging children
HELPP Help Education and Learning for Parents by Parents accepts no liability for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided in this web-
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Tips for parents-
Try to save being angry for the things that matter most.
Our anger can make silly, grumpy and whiney behaviours worse, and can make things escalate. Try to save it just for big things.
Start with the word "I" rather than "You"
"I am angry about the mess in the kitchen. I want you to clean it up now."
This way we avoid saying damaging things that we might regret later.
Name the behaviour.
"It makes me angry when you..."
"I get upset when you...."
Make sure your child knows it is the behaviour you don't like, not them.
Only promise things that you will carry out.
This includes treats as well as threats.
If you tell your children that they are grounded for a month and then let them out after two days you are teaching them that you don't mean what you say.
If you have threatened something you regret, give your child a way out without them thinking you are giving in.
Try a "Consequences Box"
....with lots of jobs written on pieces of paper. Your child then picks one as a consequence of their behaviour and you get a job done.
When you and your child are both angry
....say "Let's talk about it later".
This gives both of you time think things through and calm down.
This also shows your child that you don't always have to react straight away and that it is ok to take your time to make decisions.